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Church of England declares sex is only for a husband and his six beheaded wives
"That is the natural order of things"
Queen shows ‘no hard feelings’ by gifting Meghan a driving tour of France
"One hopes it will be a smash"
Australia kindly requests Iran, U.S. pause their bullshit until after fires are dealt with
"Youze idiots can't you see we're busy here?"
Iran retaliates against U.S. by not taking out high ranking government official
"Take that America!"
News Corp editor applies for hardship leave after being asked to spin Morrisons ‘terrific’ funeral comment
"I'm only human"
Australia celebrates as it heads into the 1920s
"Fascism's on the rise, jazz bars are raging, and the gap between rich and poor is widening by the day."
Gwyneth Paltrow releases new candle that smells like a load of bullshit
"It's so convincing"
Nation drifts off to sleep, praying for a wet Christmas
"It's the only gift I want"
“No money for volunteer firies” says government spending $380,000 to replace coffee cart
"I'm sure they're fine"
Scott Morrison converts to Judaism after learning they’re already on holidays
"Shalom mate!"
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