Channel 7 have been accused of offering allegedly ‘high profile’ defamation complaint enthusiast Bruce Lehrmann special compensation in return for an interview. The reported compensation package left many in shock as normally it is only reserved only for former hosts of Weekend Sunrise.

“It’s standard procedure for anyone doing a one hour interview to be compensated,” said one 7 News editor while doing coke at a strip club as part of his daily work lunch, “but normally we don’t pay for coke and sex-workers unless they’ve been a full time employee for a couple of years.” 

“Paying a year’s worth of rent is very normal stuff, he is the only kind of renter we like. But upgrading him to the O’Keefe special, that’s a massive step. I mean, it isn’t even Logies season!”

In response, Today Tonight has launched an investigation into the ‘dodgy businessmen’ offering accused criminals drugs, accommodation and sex workers in exchange for favours.