An editor at The Daily Mail has taken time out of his busy day of copy and pasting the work of journalists from actual news outlets, to implement new expense account rules that he copy and pasted from Channel 7’s Spotlight.

This comes after allegations that were made in court accused Channel 7 of expensing the purchase of illicit drugs and the hiring of sex workers during their bid to secure an interview with Toowoomba’s highest profile defamation suit enthusiast Bruce Lehrmann.

“Now that is how you run a media outlet,” screamed the Daily Mail editor, “I mean just think about the amount of cocaine I go through on a daily basis while writing pieces, I was stupidly just paying it myself and waiting till tax season to business expense it.”

“I can’t believe we didn’t think of having a dedicated drugs budget before. Now it will be much cheaper for me to get the gear I need to write pieces attacking victim survivors for being seen in the same vicinity as a bong.”

“Plus it’s so stressful to co-ordinate having paparazzi people stalk women who speaks out against the patriarchy or poor people who think they deserve respect. Especially when you add in the work of scrolling through their Instagram to see if we can unearth a picture of her in a bikini for the thumbnail. Now I’ll be able to relax with a cheeky massage while I do it and expense myself a happy ending too.”