Cancer announces new book “If I Did It”

Cancer has denied allegations that it killed Naked Gun star OJ Simpson, before immediately announcing a new book called “If I Did It” about how it would have killed the bloody knife collector.

“It is heartbreaking that people would suggest that I killed OJ,” said Cancer, “sure my cells were all over the scene of the death, but that’s just because I had given OJ a big hug which accidentally spilled all my blood and cancer on the door handles and body. No one else was there to see it, but do I seem like someone who could kill anyone?”

“Now if I were to kill him, I would have systematically attacked his cells and weakened him over time. Boy it felt good… I mean it umm felt good to write the book.”

“It’s crazy that people would suggest that I killed him, I don’t even have hands so a glove definitely can’t fit me. I am as guilty of murder as OJ Simpson was.”

UPDATE: Cancer has now been spotted evading police in a white bronco.

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