Calls for a Royal Commission into the Murdoch empire have once again reignited, this time specifically targeting the onslaught of really annoying ads for ‘Hubbl’.

Hubbl, a product which can connect to a smart tv to give it the ability to do what smart tv’s can already do without a hundred dollar added device, went on the market recently bringing with it an onslaught of never ending frustrating ads for the product.

“This has to be the worst thing the Murdoch family has ever done,” said Grace from Canberra after seeing four Hubbl ads in a row while trying to scroll TikTok, “I get that they’ve hacked the phone of a deceased child, destabilised democracies and ruthlessly spread lies to try discredit anyone wanting to make the world a better place… but these fucking terrible ads just never seem to end.”

“It’s not like I’m ever going to consider buying that garbage, my tv already does it and there a million other products that do the same thing that aren’t made by the company that can’t even keep Kayo Sports up long enough to watch a full game.”

“No amount of annoying ads with the guy from Lego Masters and that other guy who used to be on tv will change that they are about 10 years too late to make this product. It’s like they are trying to torture me with these ads until I submit and buy it to stop the pain. PLEASE, JUST MAKE IT STOP!!!!”

Mental health experts have advised all Australians to attempt to limit their social media use and try going outside instead, “normally this advice would be because of how toxic social media can be, but now it is purely for the benefit of not having any sponsored Hubbl posts popping up in front of you.”

An editor at The Daily Mail has taken time out of his busy day of copy and pasting the work of journalists from actual news outlets, to implement new expense account rules that he copy and pasted from Channel 7’s Spotlight.

This comes after allegations that were made in court accused Channel 7 of expensing the purchase of illicit drugs and the hiring of sex workers during their bid to secure an interview with Toowoomba’s highest profile defamation suit enthusiast Bruce Lehrmann.

“Now that is how you run a media outlet,” screamed the Daily Mail editor, “I mean just think about the amount of cocaine I go through on a daily basis while writing pieces, I was stupidly just paying it myself and waiting till tax season to business expense it.”

“I can’t believe we didn’t think of having a dedicated drugs budget before. Now it will be much cheaper for me to get the gear I need to write pieces attacking victim survivors for being seen in the same vicinity as a bong.”

“Plus it’s so stressful to co-ordinate having paparazzi people stalk women who speaks out against the patriarchy or poor people who think they deserve respect. Especially when you add in the work of scrolling through their Instagram to see if we can unearth a picture of her in a bikini for the thumbnail. Now I’ll be able to relax with a cheeky massage while I do it and expense myself a happy ending too.”

Channel 7 have been accused of offering allegedly ‘high profile’ defamation complaint enthusiast Bruce Lehrmann special compensation in return for an interview. The reported compensation package left many in shock as normally it is only reserved only for former hosts of Weekend Sunrise.

“It’s standard procedure for anyone doing a one hour interview to be compensated,” said one 7 News editor while doing coke at a strip club as part of his daily work lunch, “but normally we don’t pay for coke and sex-workers unless they’ve been a full time employee for a couple of years.” 

“Paying a year’s worth of rent is very normal stuff, he is the only kind of renter we like. But upgrading him to the O’Keefe special, that’s a massive step. I mean, it isn’t even Logies season!”

In response, Today Tonight has launched an investigation into the ‘dodgy businessmen’ offering accused criminals drugs, accommodation and sex workers in exchange for favours.

Aussies on social media are experiencing even more despair than usual today as they suffer through a second consecutive day of terrible April Fools posts.

“Who knew doom scrolling could get worse?” said Hannah from Sydney. “Normally you at least get rewarded scrolling social media by the occasional funny post, but now those have been replaced with people just saying things that aren’t true or worse, posts social media managers from big brands trying to be funny. Two days of this is far too long, I can’t go through this every year!”

“The second day is always the hardest. See we not only are we dealing with the painful lack of humour that exists with marketing departments and brand social media managers, but you then factor in American senses of humour. It’s a combination that seems tailor made for misery.”

“We need intervention to stop the spread of these posts and limit them to one day. We should just ban time zones at this point, and maybe even criminalise brand accounts on social media all together. The suffering must end.”

Many Aussies have taken desperate measures to combat the flood of unfunny posts for their own wellbeing. With some people working from home even trying to find more work to do just so they can avoid opening a social media app.

Carpenter and world’s first influencer Jesus Christ has confirmed he may miss his annual Easter Sunday miracle due the build up of about 6 months worth of debris from constant bombardment blocking the exit to his cave.

“What in Dads name is going on here,” he said after pushing the bolder out of the way only to see the debris, “how on earth am I meant to get out of here now? Sure I can come back to life, but moving all the devastation in this region… I’m not that much of a miracle worker.” 

Israeli officials have responded to criticism of this blockage by claiming to have intel that Hamas may have a secret base inside Jesus’ Cave.

“There was someone living in that cave and locals say it’s a place of importance. That’s the sort of intel we need to have a pretty good hunch that Hamas is there and that the cave needs to wiped off the face of the earth.”

In a special episode of Channel 7’s Border Security, Border Force agents have detained the Easter Bunny at Sydney International Airport after attempting to smuggle dairy products into Australia.

Minister for Home Affairs Clare O’Neil has celebrated the arrest, stating that bringing joy to children everywhere isn’t an excuse to be lax on immigration. 

“We will not be providing special considerations when protecting our borders. If you or any bunny attempts to smuggle dangerous food products into the country illegally, you will be stopped like the terrorist you are.”

“We will be sending this bunny off for interrogation on Nauru, once we make sure there is no magically hidden chocolate on him that he could try to give to any child refugees we may or may not have locked up there.”