National
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National
PM denies gambling donation addiction affects his judgment, “I can quit any time”
“I’m in control of it,” he yelled at voters after snorting a line of caviar provided by the gambling lobby
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National
“Political debate is under attack” says party who bans any outlet that asks tough questions
“We must protect political debate by stopping any protesters and media who present things that make us look bad.”
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National
Billionaire’s son heartbroken to hear Albo is seeing plenty of other billionaire’s kids
“I feel so used. I thought we had something special.”
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National
Gina realises she forgot to buy any ‘not totally fucking deranged’ candidates
“There’s always that one thing you forget when you go shopping,” said Rinehart.
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National
One Nation to invest $3b in innovation for new slurs
“Australia used to be a world leader in bigotry, I am confident we can be one again!”
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National
“Every aborted foetus is a potential future intern I could hit on” says Barnaby Joyce
“At One Nation, our anti-abortion, anti-trans and anti-family court stances are us protecting the ladies. Trust me.”
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National
AUKUS submarines downgraded to paper boats
“These state of the art vessels also double as a hat”
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National
Teals to represent voters who are sick of political parties by forming a political party
“The best way to independently represent our communities is to become codependent.”
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National
One Nation to only talk to outlets that don’t mention if candidates have active warrants
“They need to drop their bias against hiding if candidates skip court dates regarding alleged sexual offences”
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National
Liberals bring back Abbott in bid to make Angus Taylor look better by comparison
“We finally found someone who can stand near Angus Taylor and make him look somewhat impressive.”