April 2024
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General News
Local woman convinced that misogyny is no longer a problem thanks to man shouting “Not All Men” every time she talks
“Silly me, how could I not realised that the real victims here are the men who have to live in fear of women who talk about their genuine fears of being killed.”
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General News
Bears speak out against unfair comparison to men
“Please don’t compare us to those vicious animals.”
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National
Nation asks Jenny to have one of her chats with Albo about whether it’s ok to make feminist rally organisers cry
She has a way of explaining these things
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National
Breaking: 6 ministers suffering debilitating anxiety put on medication during Morrison government
“I don’t know what was happening with these ministers that could have possibly been piling up more stress.”
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National
“Governments need to do more to stop violence against women,” says Anthony Albanese seconds before shock discovery that he is in charge of the government
“Whoever is in charge should really be doing something.” said the PM
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General News
Bruce Lehrmann agrees to pay hundreds of dollars for Peter FitzSimons oat matcha lattés during trial period
“I understand why I need to pay this,” said Lehrmann, “I mean I am no stranger to stimulants myself.”
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General News
Scott Morrison becomes relatable to nation after revealing that he was anxious as fuck thanks to Scott Morrison’s prime ministership
“I had no idea that other people felt the same way as me for once,” said Morrison
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General News
Morrison wishes people understood how stressful it is to be the Finance Minister, Home Affairs Minister, Minister for Social Services and Health Minister
Former Ministers Scott Morrison has called for sympathy for mental health issues after revealing all the lies he told as PM gave him anxiety. “Mental health is so important if you’re white,” he stated solemnly at a press conference. “Anyone you know could secretly be five cabinet ministers and that sort of thing takes a…
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World
Palestinian parents declare Gaza a ‘comedy show’ in hopes to get Aussie media demanding protection for their babies
“Our babies have been crying for 200 days and all the comedians have been disrupted in that time.”
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General News
Tearful Bruce Lehrmann forced to sell Karaoke machine to pay legal fees
Other items for sale include a Channel 7 pass, a frequent customer card to a ‘massage’ place and a collection of empty baggies.