ABC Political Compass app explodes after Labor’s refugee announcement

In devastating news for politically active people who want to pretend they don’t know who they are voting for, the ABC Political Compass app has self-destructed after trying to factor in Labor’s new anti-refugee policy.

Programers for the ABC said that the app’s algorithm was unable to handle the lack of logic in Labor trying to push an anti-immigration policy that is more anti-refugee than the Liberal Party’s policies.

“Australia’s political landscape has been reasonably predictable up until now,” said the programmer trying to rebuild the app, “but our main supposedly centre-left party is acting very right wing and as a result the app couldn’t seperate the options. It wasn’t designed for a heel turn this big.”

“The current immigration policy also scares the AI algorithm because it knows that if it tells the people who would be most aligned with Labor’s current policy, they will get furious at the idea of not voting for Pauline Hanson, let alone voting for Labor.”

“And don’t even get it started on the levels of complaints when a life-long Labor voter who doesn’t hate refugees will only be left with Greens or some of the Teals.”

‘For now we will try get it running again by changing the questions. Instead of ‘How many more migrants we should be accepting’ we’re asking questions like ‘how much do you support bombing children?’ and ‘how much more should the government help landlords than they do tenants?’. You know questions where the lines between the major parties are just slightly wider.”

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