February 2005
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General News Archive
Rest of Charles’ family sorry they can’t miss the wedding too
Members of the Royal Family have reacted to the Queen’s decision not to attend the Charles/Camilla wedding, primarily with envy. “Her Majesty will be unable to attend the ceremony due to an unfortunate scheduling conflict,” a spokesman said. “Her attendance would conflict with her strong desire to snub Camilla.”
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General News
Man commits suicide after receiving Telstra Lifeline bill
“His executor’s still on hold to get the phone cancelled, she’s going to have a heart attack when she sees the bill.”
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General News Archive
Queen pays for Charles & Camilla’s honeymoon: books driving tour of Paris
The Queen of England has endorsed Prince Charles’ plans to wed Camilla Parker-Bowles, saying she would treat Camilla “like any other daughter-in-law”. The palace confirmed that in accordance with tradition the Queen would drive Charles’ new wife out of the family, preferably to an early death in a Paris tunnel.
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News
Chaser discovers internet age, six years too late
Chaser staff excitedly surf the ‘web’ on one of those newfangled ‘laptop’ thingiesIn its tradition of taking old ideas and passing them off as something new, The Chaser will soon be moving to an exciting new format – known as the internet. It will be possible for readers to download “electronic” articles from the satirical…