National
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National
Rich people who claim to be ‘representing the real working class’ weirdly mad at idea of letting working class people relax after work
“As the new party of the worker, we know workers love answering 3am phone calls from their boss”
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National
“He can never be trusted again!” Media outraged after Dutton ‘breaks promise’ on not supporting changes to the Stage 3 tax cuts
“What kind of leader changes their mind? He should have to apologise and stand down immediately.”
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National
“It’s a medical miracle,” 60 year old man suddenly grows spine
Experts thought it wasn’t possible for him
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National
Peter Dutton demands more detail on ‘People who earn less than $180k’
Opposition Leader and man of the people Peter Dutton has demanded the Labor government prove these so called ‘90% of Australians earning less than 180k’ actually exist. “I’ve not been made aware of these people and no one I regularly speak to is on less than 180k,” he said from QANTAS chairman’s lounge, “these changes…
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National
Scott Morrison resigns to spend more time not holding a hose
“Finally a chance to do even more of nothing.”
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National
Liberal party in turmoil after six former ministers quit parliament
In related news, the once booming empathy consultant industry in Canberra has seemingly collapsed out of nowhere.
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National
Bob Katter announces support for Australia Day merch, but won’t spend any time on it, because in the meantime, every three months, a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in North Queensland
Elected representative for bizarre distractions, Bob Katter has announced his support for Australia Day merchandise in shopping centres. “Shops have a right to sell what they sell of course” he said standing on a bench in the middle of a Cairns shopping complex. “To be honest, I don’t understand what all the fuss is about.…
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National
Nation loses last premier from the period where people knew the names of premiers
To be replaced by Premier What’s-Their-Name
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National
Australia faces ‘once in a lifetime bushfire season’ for the first time in 3 years
The season has been described as ‘unprecedented’, just like the last one, and all future ones.