National
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National
Politicians furious after learning that sex workers are visiting a few disabled people instead of the prayer room
“They should save some money by doing what the rest of us do for sexual help: get a junior staffer to lend a hand.”
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National
Senior Labor officials confirm that Fatima Payman is the Zodiac Killer
“Some may say this sounds ‘too ridiculous to be true’ but I ask who do you blindly trust as a source more: the government’s dirt unit or Zodiac Killer?” said a political editor at a major news outlet
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National
Albo outflanks Dutton by bullying Muslim woman
Beating the opposition leader at the thing Dutton excels at the most.
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National
Labor upholds tradition by sabotaging themselves months before an ‘unloseable’ election
“It’s what we do best.”
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National
Morals indefinitely suspended from Labor Party caucus meetings
“We can not stand by and continue to let morality make us look bad in comparison,” said the PM
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National
Peter Dutton argues problems with nuclear power plan are a “private family matter”
“This plan is a deeply personal to me and I would like everyone to respect my plan’s privacy at this time.”
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National
Dutton says nuclear plants will be ready in just 10 years* (*depending on the carparks)
Those carparks from two elections ago are coming any day now.
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National
Pandas reject zoo deal after learning they would have to live in Adelaide
A representative for Pandas said that the deal was “completely unacceptable in its current state”, referring of course to South Australia.
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National
PM admits that banning teens from social media is actually just so he can avoid getting grilled by 6 News
“There is an election coming up and those kids scare me.”
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National
Shocking: man who joked about Pacific Island nations sinking doesn’t actually care about the environment
“How were we meant to know he wasn’t serious about emissions?” said every media outlet after uncritically pushing his talking points for years.