National

“We can not stand by and continue to let morality make us look bad in comparison,” said the PM

“This plan is a deeply personal to me and I would like everyone to respect my plan’s privacy at this time.”

Those carparks from two elections ago are coming any day now.

A representative for Pandas said that the deal was “completely unacceptable in its current state”, referring of course to South Australia.

“There is an election coming up and those kids scare me.”

“How were we meant to know he wasn’t serious about emissions?” said every media outlet after uncritically pushing his talking points for years.

“Do you know how much evidence we were sent about Robo-debt? Investigating that would be way too much work.”

A special letter from treasurer Jim Chalmers

Tanya Plibersek pledges to shed a tear next koala photo-op.

“It may not be what experts wanted, but it does make for a good headline”