Government decides teen is old enough to be held criminally responsible, not old enough to be responsible for a YouTube account

The Albanese government have announced they are moving ahead with the controversial plan to ban teens from social media, in a bid to curb the government’s sliding polling numbers with boomers.

The government, who is currently fine with locking up children as young as 10, said that 13 year olds are simply too young to be responsible enough for social media, Youtube and potentially even video games.

“Someone needs to stand up to these bullies,” said the PM, “at least that is what Lachlan Murdoch told me when he launched this push after the tech companies said no to giving him millions of dollars.”

“Instead of trying the slower approach of education and reform that experts suggest, we will bring in full bans that will work through the power of wishful thinking and confident sounding announcements about implementing technology that doesn’t exist.”

“We must protect the teens from seeing TikTok and Mr Beast, instead they can go back to the traditional safer option of watching gambling ads on TV.”

“We can not sit around and wait for these untrustworthy tech companies to act. Everyone should just trust these companies with enough information for them to be sure it’s you.”

“Worst come to worst, we can always protect the teens from social media by putting them behind bars. I hear the police are already working on a taskforce to track if Indigenous teens have social media accounts.”