“Mining Billionaire Status” to be included in 2026 Census

The Australian Bureau of Statistics has confirmed the next census will include questions specifically for wealthy citizens in the energy sector just in case their political influence wasn’t strong enough already.

“We’re proud to be such an inclusive government” said PM Anthony ‘Ally’ Albanese, “with this change we will finally be acknowledging the minority group that is mining billionaires.”

“People like Gina Rinehart, Clive Palmer and “Twiggy” Forrest have been overlooked for too long when it comes to shaping our country’s future. We only give them massive tax breaks, approve all their mines without a thought and invite them to caviar dinners to discuss cost of living.”

“This is the first time we as a country will be able to see who our mining billionaires are, where they live and what they’re interested in. This will help us make sure we are able to properly reallocate funding to this minority group, instead of locations with higher percentages of scientists or Indigenous groups.”

The section reportedly contains questions such as “Are you Gina Rinehart?” and “Are you a mining billionaire?” with a ‘No’ response instructing all other census-takers to skip the rest of the survey.”