National
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has decided to strategically tie his own shoelaces together, as to avoid giving the Coalition a chance to embarrass him by tying his shoelaces together.
“I have made another captain’s call,” the PM told Labor Cabinet, “while Labor’s policy platform may suggest I shouldn’t tie my own shoelaces together, I think it is the only way to stop Peter Dutton from doing it to make me look weak when I cartoonishly fall over.”
“I doubt I can get bipartisan support for not tying my shoes together, so my only choice to stop the LNP from tripping me over is to trip myself over.”
“Plus this means that now my shoes won’t feel divided from each other.”
Albanese went on to hold a press conference where he denied any change to whether his shoes are tied together, before immediately falling over. The Labor Party comms team have already put out 5 seperate conflicting statements about how he fell over and why it’s actually a good thing that he did it.
