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Oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling if no door is paid for (oxygen sold separately)

Australia’s number one grocery prison has announced a brand new policy stating that loss prevention officers will be granted license to shoot any suspected shoplifter on sight. “Do you think this is a fucking joke?” sprayed a nameless executive wearing a balaclava at a press conference. “We put in the security gates, the guards, the…

“Instead of waiting for the network to work, I just used carrier pigeons.”

“I knew Yes should have chosen a different airline”

Woolworths security has been praised for exercising sensible restraint

“The drone has instantly reduced shoplifting in the area to 0%”