Optus CEO resigned three weeks ago but was unable to contact the board

Optus CEO Kelly Bayer has responded to reports that she resigned today by clarifying that she actually resigned three weeks ago but was unable to contact the board.

“What a disaster it has been,” she said, “I tried calling but there was no reception. Days later I finally got some reception so I tried texting it through but that required the board to also have reception. Why did we think it was a good idea to all be on Optus?”

“Of course email would be an option to send it through quicker than relying on the Optus network, but I have NBN at home and it can’t handle the bandwidth of an entire email without crashing.”

“In the end, instead of just waiting for the network to work, I just sent out carrier pigeons with my resignation letter.”

Optus responded to the news by offering users the ability to have a brand new CEO, one that potentially works, for an added fee for $15 a month.