FOLLOWING his calls for DNA testing for Indigenous welfare recipients, One Nation’s Mark Latham will today undergo his own DNA

“While we’re excited at the discovery of not just inhabitable planets but also extra-terrestrial life, we’re shocked and appalled at this blatant display of xenophobia"

"It’s trending every night, for better or worse, and we could only dream of that kind of popularity in an election year.”

The snack has already received a ringing endorsement from the Prime Minister, who insisted that they be served at citizenship ceremonies nationwide.

“It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when you’re the last one in the bowl, especially after Nan has come and taken all of the Turkish Delight.”

PARENTS groups are up in arms after an unprecedented increase in stagecoach robbery and hog-tying since the release of Red

"Now I know what a racehorse feels like - the ones that don't get shot I mean."

"I hate being so sweaty all the time! That's why I don't do any exercise," Reggie complained.

"I think there’s a genuine security threat in allowing people who look like this to be out in public"

"I'm just having a bunch of people over for a barbie and I fuckin' hate mosquitos"