World
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World
Apple rumoured to be developing ‘NeverStop’ battery, modelled on its workers conditions
Speculation about the new iPhone has reached fever pitch, after Apple announced it has developed a new NeverStop technology that will allow an iPhone battery for days of continuous use on a single charge. Apple CEO, Tim Cook, told the Wall Street Journal that the development was revolutionary. “We really wanted to do something for the next generation of youth. The next generation of…
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Hanson supporter reads Quran entirely for the purpose of belittling Islam
Local bigot Scotty Bowers is sick of being called an ‘uneducated racist’ and has finally decided to do something about it.
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Chimps begin to grow embarrassed by their close relation to humans
Reports have surfaced this week that Chimpanzees have started denying being related to humans, following a series of humiliating blunders by the human race.
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Jeb Bush Wins Participation Award at Iowa Caucus
Republican delegates in the Iowa’s primary on Monday decided unanimously to award Jeb Bush the coveted Participation Award.
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Aung San Suu Kyi finally puts bins out
The freedom fighter today began the process of stacking fifteen years’ worth of rubbish outside her Rangoon home.
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Smoking toddler now just bumming off mates
The only time Rizal ever stops hassling his classmates for a smoke is if he discovers they only smoke menthols.
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Berlusconi seeks “urgent summit” with Megan Fox
“Megan will be treated with the utmost respect,” Berlusconi added. “I will pay her 30,000 Euros.”
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Freemasons take up rotating EU Shadow Presidency
The Grand and Ancient Order of Freemasons has taken over the European Union for a three year period
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Middle East crisis worsens: Blair to get involved
The former British Prime Minister Tony Blair has taken up a new role as a special envoy in the Middle East. The typically upbeat Blair has claimed he can solve the decades-old Arab-Israeli conflict in 45 minutes, a boast that regional experts say is no less implausible than his claim that Saddam Hussein could deploy…
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New Iraqi government inaugurated with 21 car bomb salute
The first and last democratic Iraqi government in generations has been formed after months of political wrangling, making the parliament the only part of the country that is now unified. A spectacular fireworks display marked the event, and a flyover by military jets attracted visitors from all over the world. Americans, British, Iranians and Syrians…