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Republicans wishing they had backed someone who’s interested in those old enough to vote
“It turns out voters want someone who wants to fix the issues in the country, not actively cause them. Whoops.”
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Twice-divorced Trump loses another two houses
This as the Democrats take charge of both the Upper House and the Lower House of Congress.
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RFK JR suggests Americans eat five servings of Democrat ballots per day
“This is a national health emergency, everyone get to eating Democrat votes right now!””
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Trump offers to give Eric to anyone who votes Republican
“We must do whatever we can to keep the Democrats out of office, and also keep Eric out of mine,” said Trump
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Trump promises extra $5,000 for any voter who doesn’t call it a bribe
“$5,000 may not be life-changing to some people, but trust me, you’ll need it once this crashes the entire economy.”
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Trump signs executive order renaming the MCG to ‘American Football Ground’
Trump took things a step further by declaring that the song ‘You’re The Voice’ now belongs to the Jonas Brothers.
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Trump claims a third plane was going for Trump Tower but he punched it away
“No one saw me save the day on 9/11 because I was moving super fast.”
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Mitch McConnell returns after stealing Lindsey Graham’s life force
“The ritual has been completed” cackled McConnell
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Aussie who can’t name his local MP, heavily invested in wanting Binface to beat Farage
We’re seeing a head-to-head race heating up between the joke candidate and Count Binface.