World
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World
“Norway happiest country in the world” says bullshit survey
A worldwide study released today reported that a country where sunlight is seasonal and their greatest delicacy is rotten fish, is apparently the happiest in the world
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World
Opinion: How am I supposed to explain to my child that this talking, suit wearing aardvark is gay?
“It makes no sense”
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Mueller begs White House to stop committing crimes so he can wrap up his investigation
Mr Mueller said it was having a genuine impact on his enthusiasm for bringing down the President. “I took this case on because it was a simple open and shut case of treason. But there are just so many other, extra crimes, it’s becoming a real bore.
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Why would anyone bomb all those traitors who deserve a painful death? asks Trump in stirring speech
Donald Trump has delivered a stirring oration to his nation, asking why anyone would even think of bombing his political opponents, whom he hates with a violent passion.
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Socially responsible redneck switches to hybrid monster truck
“In my job, the dangers we face are very real. But no death-dealing machine has terrified me as much as the threat we face from climate change”
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FBI foiled as criminal cleverly enters private mode on browser
Gone without a trace, the Feds have been left scrambling for any signs of Harrington’s possibly illegal activities.
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New anonymous op-ed claims Trump is “total genius”, “really smart” and “I’m fantastic”
“Donald Trump is a total hard-working genius, much better than Obama and even better than Lincoln. I would say he’s the best. Definitely better than Hillary, who was a total dud. I should have locked her up.”
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“Refugees are going to take my job,” claims unemployed man
Local man Gareth Jones has voiced his outrage in his local pub that “Refugees are going to take my job. That’s it for me my careers well and truly done.” Jones had been talking about becoming an architect for several decades now, but has decided instead to double down on his current occupation of yelling…
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Starting global wars will result in one-hour suspension under Twitter’s tough new terms of service
“From now on, making inflammatory threats towards a foreign adversary is a breach of content guidelines and will result in harsh penalties, namely a one hour suspension of your posting privileges,” said the spokesperson.
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Royal couple experience first night of dull, routine sex
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have had sex for the first time as a married couple, in a session the newlyweds described as “adequate”.