World

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have announced they are calling off their wedding, citing “irreconcilable differences” over whether it’s pronounced Yanny or Laurel.

“He may not have been able to point to Iran on a map, but the man sure knew how to point to his heart. Well, the general area.”

“It really is the closest we can afford on our budget,” said the Supreme Commander of the Joint Chinese Military Forces. “We looked at the outer suburbs of Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne, but even if we went interest-only, it’s a bit outside our price range.”

“Actually,” he told reporters, “I was pregnant way before her. I’ve been pregnant for months.”

In an absurd stuff-up, accountants at the firm were preparing two tax returns. One was for a low-wage retail worker, Paul Hutchins, and one was for the global multinational conglomerate.

This ride will give you nightmares

“Some of them are just nice people with alternative views about the Holocaust.”

Taking a lesson from Japanese First Lady Akie Abe, Trump told Don Jr “Pardonei, no hablo Engish”

Is that so much to ask?

In a series of tweets this morning, Trump posted photos and video of the imitation, in which he appears to be nothing more than a spineless pile of flesh draped in an Armani suit.