Creator of the universe and part-time carpenter Goddot ‘God’ Smith has today returned to earth to set a few things straight, following some renegade statements by his former spokesman Israel Folau.
“I’d just like to point out that when Folau said that same-sex marriage causes bushfires, that’s not quite technically correct,” explained God, “In that particular case Folau was expressing his own personal beliefs, and this is in no way company policy at Christianity Corp.”
“I actually quite like the gays,” he continued, “after all I did make them. Lets not forget that I’m the all powerful creator of the universe, and if I didn’t want gay people to exist, they wouldn’t be here to begin with.”
God also explained that, while he appreciates all the work Folau has put in for the team, by making these public statements, he has breached his sacred covenant with the Church and as such he will have to be let go. “I don’t like to do this, but the fact is rules are rules,” explained God, “It says this right there in the sacred contract – See under Mathew clause, 7 part 1 ‘Judge not lest ye be judged.’ Honestly I couldn’t have made it any clearer, and he has already been given one warning.”
Folau has since announced a plan to sue God for unfair dismissal, and has opened a GoFundMe seeking to raise $3 billion dollars to help him wage a holy war.
The Anti-Expert’s Guide to Everything – 2020 National Tour
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