National
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National
How dare you buy 2 weeks of food, says govt who told you to buy 2 weeks of food
“This is the most unAustralian thing I’ve ever seen,” said the man who spent much of the bushfire crisis in Hawaii.
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National
Teachers are perfectly safe, says Education Minister from behind his biohazard suit
The latest government plan to deal with the coronavirus is by keeping snotty-nosed kids who have no sense of personal space in overcrowded classrooms.
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National
GoFundMe set up to pay medical bills of the coronavirus diagnosed with Peter Dutton
Doctors described the Peter Dutton as “particularly nasty”.
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National
Shorten starting to feel he was the winner of the last election
Shorten was spotted on the weekend watering the garden of his Moonee Ponds home, rather than in back-to-back crisis meetings making life or death decisions that have no good answer.
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National
Morrison says no need to act on Covid-19 as Australia only contributes 1% of infections
Our response will only ever be a small overall contribution to the problem, so we’ve decided to just ignore it.
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National
Government unveils wide-reaching plan to blame everything on coronavirus
“Our inability to take responsibility for anything — that’s the coronavirus’s fault.”
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National
Alarm level stepped up as a man-version of the coronavirus emerges
“It’s three times as bad”
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National
Median price of a roll of Sydney toilet paper soars above $1m
Owning a sheet of Sydney toilet paper is now essentially impossible for prospective first-toilet-roll buyers.
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National
Government says it has stockpiled enough scandals to last entire pandemic
“We’re storing them in Michaelia Cash’s Gold Coast apartment,” said Mr Morrison.