National
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National
Pell making a big deal of undoing his cassock in McDonald’s urinal
“Thirty-nine buttons. Quite a lot! A cincture as well. Phew!”
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National
How will the lockdown affect me? We answer all your questions that we’ve just made up
The Chaser has compiled this informative guide about the new lockdown laws.
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National
JobKeeper allowance to enable businesses to keep underpaying workers throughout the crisis
Just like they normally do.
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National
Government stimulus on track to be available in time for the 2120 pandemic
“It’s exactly like the bushfire recovery program, but bigger.”
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National
Morrison double-checks that eviction ban covers Kirribilli House
The ban has been welcomed by people who have a tenuous grip on their place of residence.
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National
PM denies extra assistance to renters, claiming he’s “tough on boarders”
He’s certainly not “tough on borders”.
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National
Government asks virus to hold off for six weeks so they can get stimulus sorted
The PM said he’d been working incredibly hard — sometimes up to 3 or 4 hours a day.
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National
Queensland’s ‘Smart State’ title revoked for holding election during pandemic
Also it was never true
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National
Morrison decides to use to novelty oversized prop to make people take him more seriously
“Now that he’s used a novelty over-sized prop, I realise the gravity of the situation,” coughed one finance executive.