National
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National
Labor denies failing to act on gambling companies, “we are hurting their profits with the amount of gifts we accept”
“Anyway, I barely see any ads siting in the TabCorp premium box.” said Michelle Rowland
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National
Politicians furious after learning that sex workers are visiting a few disabled people instead of the prayer room
“They should save some money by doing what the rest of us do for sexual help: get a junior staffer to lend a hand.”
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National
Senior Labor officials confirm that Fatima Payman is the Zodiac Killer
“Some may say this sounds ‘too ridiculous to be true’ but I ask who do you blindly trust as a source more: the government’s dirt unit or Zodiac Killer?” said a political editor at a major news outlet
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National
Albo outflanks Dutton by bullying Muslim woman
Beating the opposition leader at the thing Dutton excels at the most.
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National
Labor upholds tradition by sabotaging themselves months before an ‘unloseable’ election
“It’s what we do best.”
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National
Morals indefinitely suspended from Labor Party caucus meetings
“We can not stand by and continue to let morality make us look bad in comparison,” said the PM
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National
Peter Dutton argues problems with nuclear power plan are a “private family matter”
“This plan is a deeply personal to me and I would like everyone to respect my plan’s privacy at this time.”
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National
Dutton says nuclear plants will be ready in just 10 years* (*depending on the carparks)
Those carparks from two elections ago are coming any day now.
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National
Pandas reject zoo deal after learning they would have to live in Adelaide
A representative for Pandas said that the deal was “completely unacceptable in its current state”, referring of course to South Australia.
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National
PM admits that banning teens from social media is actually just so he can avoid getting grilled by 6 News
“There is an election coming up and those kids scare me.”