Labor looking to replicate Kamala Harris’ ‘moral victory’

Strategists for the Australian Labor Party have told reporters that their goal for next year is to completely recreate the Democrats’ “moral victory”.

“While Harris may not have won the election,” said Albanese’s chief of staff, “she did manage to do so while only selling out most of the party’s values. We think that is inspiring and have taken extensive notes so we can do it ourselves.”

“Whenever people say ‘hey what about Gaza’ or ‘hey what about the cost of living crisis’; we will just tell them to shut up and be grateful that we aren’t the other guy, or his rich influential backers who push his messaging.”

“Showing everyone that it’s time to bring ‘hope’ back, just the word ‘hope’ not the actual feeling.”

“We have had to alter some approaches though. While Kamala adopted Trump’s immigration policy at the border; Australia is different. We don’t have that kind of border, so we are settling with the unconstitutional tracking of refugees instead.”

“And inspired by their endorsement from the Cheney’s, we have appointed Ben Roberts-Smith as our campaign manager. Giving us the kick off a cliff we need.”

“All of this in a fool proof plan to win over voters who say they would rather die than vote for us.”

“Most importantly if we somehow loose, we will hold our heads up high, and pick an ethnic minority to blame for our lack of popularity.”