General News

[Edition 73] Elements of the fashionista remain unconvinced about Lowes’ new line, describing it as “overly confronting” and baulking at its extravagant $12.95 price tag.

[Edition 71] The radical decision breaks the magazine’s run of 172 consecutive editions featuring Kidman on its cover, dating back to before the Australian actress’ marriage to Tom Cruise

[Edition 70] MELBOURNE: A local barmaid has called for a host of cocktails, including such as Hard Ons, Sex on the Beach and Orgasms, to be renamed in order to accommodate her wholesome Christian beliefs.

[Edition 69] ADELAIDE, Wednesday: There were shake-ups in the busking industry this week after acoustic guitar player Jimmy Wilson, based in Rundle Mall, introduced a ‘No Repeat Workday’.

[Edition 68] SYDNEY, Thursday: Woolworths chief executive Roger Corbett was devastated today to report an 18.3% rise in profit under his management over the last year. The result means that, in line with long-established industry policy of only rewarding failure, Corbett and his board are unlikely to receive any financial incentives this year.

[Edition 78] With his recent elevation to being head of BSkyB, James Murdoch has become the new favourite to take over the reigns of his father’s empire and run it into the ground.

[Edition 67] The aging Pontiff spoke enthusiastically about the possibilities of the new plan. “We need to make children bumbling social lepers who do their clothes shopping at Target and K-Mart, play Dungeons and Dragons, and dob in their neighbours for watering between 8am and 8pm,” said the aging Pontiff. “We should be encouraging anything…

[Edition 66] Searching for love beyond the blonde, beautiful, slim, young, upwardly-mobile, well-travelled and adoring demographic will increase the Ryde claims administrator’s chance of forming a successful partnership by up to 99.93%, the Macquarie University study found.

[Edition 66] The CIA will offer recruits extensive training and millions of dollars worth of high-tech weapons systems in return for a promise to develop their organisation into a full-blown terrorist organisation capable of attacking the United States in the agreed year 2014.

[Edition 63] BYRON BAY, Tuesday: Since childfree couple Kelly and Don Walker wrote their book No More Sprogs: Childless by Choice eight months ago, they haven’t had much time for their favourite pastimes: hang-gliding and dancing.