General News

  • General News

    Obituary: Robert Downey Jnr, Actor, Drug Addict and charming womaniser

    [Edition 38] Hollywood mourns one of its own today, as controversial actor, Robert Downey Jnr was pronounced DOA at a New York City hospital, following a suspected massive deliberate drug overdose. His death is the subject of rife speculation that he may have been a victim of the so-called “Flockhart Syndrome”.

  • General News

    Man grateful to receive spam email

    [Edition 38] HOBART, Friday: A lonely Hobart man said he was excited yesterday to receive an email in his Hotmail account. The unpopular man, who has held the account for more than four years, said he’s never received an email before, and was caught completely off guard by its arrival.

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    Addict stops using smack after talk with parents

    “We called our son into the living room, sat him down and suggested that he stop using heroin. He said ‘ok’, and that was it. Problem solved.”

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    Trendy share household takes down Tarantino poster

    [Edition 35] SYDNEY, Sunday: The film-literate tenants of a Surry Hills terrace have agreed to remove the “Reservoir Dogs” movie poster from their lounge room. The household, comprised mainly of Communications students, reached a consensus that Quentin Tarantino no longer carries the cachet he once did.

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    Smokers to sue ‘freeloading’ passive smokers

    [Edition 35] MELBOURNE, Wednesday: Several smokers’ groups have announced that they will launch lawsuits against passive smokers who seek worker’s compensation claims. The smoking groups will seek compensation from those who are found to have benefited from passive smoking without paying for cigarettes. Bar workers who can not show that their own cigarette purchases caused…

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    ACCC sues ecstacy dealers for price-fixing: Fels slams “fifty dollar floor” as anti-competitive

    [Edition 35] CANBERRA, Sunday: The competition regulator, the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC) has struck out at a “cosy cartel” within Australia’s lucrative illegal drugs market, worth an estimated $20 billion annually. The Commission initiated court proceedings against nine Sydney ecstasy dealers cited for restrictive trade practices including price-fixing, illegal market-sharing arrangements and resale…

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    Companies foil Cybersquatters with ‘creative’ web addresses

    [Edition 34] LOS ANGELES, Wednesday: Companies have denied that they are being affected by cyber squatters and the diminishing number of domain names. At the launch of the site’s advertising campaign, the web designer for www.columbiatristar.com denied that they had been forced to adopt a stupidly long web address.

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    Obituary: Chelsea Clinton, Daughter of Bill Clinton, Died of ADD

    [Edition 33] Friends and relatives gathered at the Clinton home in New York’s Harlem today, to pay their respects and mourn for the death of Chelsea Clinton, 22, a college student and one of the highest profile children of a US president in living memory.

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    Night successfully reclaimed: Feminists to reclaim mid-afternoon

    [Edition 30] SYDNEY, Thursday: In response to an action brought by several traditional feminist groups, the High Court yesterday declared the Night to have been formally reclaimed.

  • General News

    Hackers infect Microsoft computers with mysterious Windows virus

    [Edition 30] SEATTLE, Thursday: Shame-faced workers at Microsoft admitted today that hackers had succeeded in penetrating their network’s defences and had installed a sophisticated virus on the Apple Macintosh machines used across the software giant’s operations.