General News
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General News
Attempt to start standing ovation unsuccessful
A concert-goer has tried and failed to single-handedly rouse his fellow audience members to a standing ovation.
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General News
UN Security Council fails to enforce New Year’s resolution
“This issue has proven more difficult to enforce than we anticipated”
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General News
7-Eleven clerk lives vicariously through condom purchaser
“Maybe he can give me a few pointers for picking up that blonde who always buys NW and a pack of peppermint Extra.”
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General News
‘Nutbush City Limits’ revives party
There was a brief moment of panic a few songs later, when Watts accidentally played ‘It’s Raining Men’ instead of ‘Loveshack’.
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General News
Boyfriend dumped after unfavourable Cleo quiz result
Kurkova was “shocked and heartbroken” when her fiancée scored a mere four out of twenty for compatibility.
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General News
Lazy environmentalist stages drive against global warming
His “honk if you hate fossil fuels” bumper sticker is changing the world.
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General News
Earring ruins Doctor’s credibility
“I’d be worried about his ability to make sound judgements with a look so clearly inspired by 90s boybands.”
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General News
Female ad exec brought out to defend sexist ad
Thirty-one-year-old account manager Jana Verkovic has been given a rare public role defending her company, cutting-edge advertising agency Fresh Juice, against allegations of sexism. After a billboard ad depicting two scantily-clad models lapping from a bowl of milk under the caption “Drink Milk” attracted a record number of complaints, Verkovic appeared on ABC radio to…
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General News
McDonald’s worker tries to “gangsta up” his uniform
Sixteen year-old Dapto hoodlum Brett Waterton has slowly customised his standard McDonald’s uniform to reflect American hip-hop culture. Working within the constraints of the strict employee code of conduct, Waterton has nevertheless added what he describes as “flava” to the staff garb. While his workmates choose to wear the durable, stain resistant pants in a size comfortable for them,…
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General News
Half-hour explanation of internet leaves grandma none-the-wiser
When Harry Hewitt attempted to explain the workings of the world wide web to his octagenerian grandmother, he expected limited success. But even that modest hope was dashed, after a lengthy explanation punctuated by confused questions left the elderly Mrs Hewitt feeling only baffled and tired. “After handing me a $50 note, which was wrapped…