General News

“It’s upsetting that the unwashed masses are so disconnected from the real struggles I face.”

“Your attack on the poor defenceless alleged war criminals was completely inhumane. This sort of behaviour is not what this country or any of our military allies are about.”

“You may be tempted to say our planes are badly maintained and vital broken parts are part of daily life for airlines but we promise 100% of aircraft faults are caused by one person doing the wrong thing.”

Leonardo DiCaprio, Rupert Murdoch, Anthony Albanese, King Charles and Many More weigh in on this historic day.

Sky News also took a second to thank their loyal sponsors like Commonwealth Bank

“Normally when someone gets millions of dollars, we celebrate it and whatever tax avoidance or other crimes they may have committed. But this time is different.”

“We would have moved to a nuclear submarine but the people we are trying to house need immediate support, despite what the government seems to think.”

“Silly me, how could I not realise victims here are men who live in fear of women talking about genuine fears”

“Please don’t compare us to those vicious animals.”

“I understand why I need to pay this,” said Lehrmann, “I mean I am no stranger to stimulants myself.”