General News

Rudd also offered advice on campaigning but the Democrats declined explaining they actually want to win the election.

“So let’s get back to what the day is all about, remembering all the losses we have tragically seen on the slots.”

The sport will have three separate events: Synchronised Spin-talk, Oppression Relay and The Marginalisation Decathlon.

“Please, not another 7 years!”

“I’ve gone up against the CIA, The NSA and MI5,” said Assange, “but going up against the Australian government in the Australian Supreme court? Absolutely not, who knows what they would do to me?”

“Why would anyone ever think that a politician would be anything other than completely honest and upfront?”

Even from that distance, women report that they can still smell his Lynx deodorant

They have threatened to torture bank goers by having Hamish sing ‘Everyday I’m Hubbling’ if demands aren’t met soon.

Costello was denied pushing the journalist, and has threatened to lunge at anybody who says otherwise in close proximity to an advertising placard.

Breaking: Fuckwit down!