General News
The Albanese government have announced a new policy to combat gambling addiction: banning “Cheap Parma Tuesdays” at the local pub.
Speaking to reporters, a Labor spokesperson described the parma as a “gateway meal” designed to lure unsuspecting punters towards the pokies.
“A $13 parma is more than just a delicious pub meal”, the spokesperson claimed. “It’s a bankruptcy in disguise. What’s really in a parma? Sure, there’s cheese, ham, and tomato sauce. But beneath all of that is something more insidious. Beneath lies a layer of despair and the real problem with the pokies.”
Peter Dutton has come out swinging against the proposal, labelling it as “socialism in chicken form”, then stubbornly refusing to elaborate any further.
The news comes on the heels of a policy stoush within the Labor party, as some elements seek a blanket ban of gambling ads and reform of the overall sector, whilst others encourage their colleagues to shut the fuck up and remember that the party requires shady donations to fund its election campaigns.
Insiders say that the Parma Ban represents a middle ground between doing nothing and doing something.
Other proposals up for debate include removing claw machines from shopping centres, placing a tax on all the games at Luna Park, or encouraging Australians to close their eyes really hard until gambling goes away.
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