CFMEU rebrands to ‘Property Investors Union’ in order to get the government to back off

After the second day of national strikes, the CFMEU have taken a different approach to try and get the government to leave them alone by simply rebranding to the ‘Property Investors Union’.

This comes as the government, who refused to step in regarding the findings against the banks, casinos or supermarkets, decided to step in not only against the branches facing allegations, but also the ones that aren’t.

They did this by changing the law so they could control and bust unions harder than the previous review system which would fail to get them good headlines as fast as they would like.

“If we want Labor’s support we need to be who they want to represent,” said local tradie Dale, “so enough talking about being workers, it’s time to say we are the kinds of rich lazy people that well end up in politics.”

“If we say that we are representing people with say 5-10 investment properties, then the government will think we are one of the groups they’d never touch. Who knows, they might think we are one of them and invite us over for caviar.”

In response to the name change, the Albanese government immediately reinstated the CFMEU and defended the workers saying they are just mum and pop strikers.