CFMEU march has convenience stores scrambling on backorders of Oak Milk

Local milk bar owner Rajeev (57) was caught panic-stricken as he waited for the call queue to reduce to place a substantial order of Oak Milk during the latest CFMEU march. 

“I’ve never seen anything like this in my life.” Rajeev told our reporter. “I’ve never run out of Oakies before. These guys must mean business.”

Speaking to reporters, one protester rattled off a range of points about organised crime and the power of labour unions, completely disregarding The Chaser’s Oak Milk related inquiries.

In anticipation of further protests, small businesses across the country are panic-buying the dairy product in an attempt to cash in. The result has been a massive surge in flavoured cow juice, shaking the ASX and causing panic amongst investors, with some experts predicting that Oak Milk may be the next Gamestop.

Other industries anticipating a surge of CFMEU-inspired chaos include your local dodgy chop chop dealer, high vis clothing manufacturers, and suppliers of wolf whistles near all-girls high schools.

Tensions at Saturday’s protest finally cooled when a nearby service station offered an emergency discount on sausage rolls and coffee, citing the need for calm in turbulent political times, and also a fear of angry tattooed men in high-vis.