evergreen
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World
“Refugees are going to take my job,” claims unemployed man
Local man Gareth Jones has voiced his outrage in his local pub that “Refugees are going to take my job. That’s it for me my careers well and truly done.” Jones had been talking about becoming an architect for several decades now, but has decided instead to double down on his current occupation of yelling…
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General News
Sushi train runs late and out of timetable order
The incident follows an horrific derailment at Redfern earlier in the week, which saw three victims sustain third degree wasabi burns to 70% of their bodies.
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World
Outrage at inclusion of gay character in film about woman-buffalo romance
How am I supposed to explain this, and literally everything else in the film, to my children?
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World
“Humans aren’t meant to drink milk” claims woman slamming tequila
The woman was heard loudly insisting “Milk’s not good for our stomachs” before throwing up from alcohol poisoning.
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General News
Nobel Prize introduces ‘Most Improved’ Category
Stung by charges of elitism, The Royal Swedish Academy of Arts and Scientists will break with more of a century of tradition to award its first award for effort, rather than excellence.
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General News
McDonald’s franchisee decides on yellow and red colour scheme
Mr Palmer, a thrilled new franchisee, says that the yellow and red went well with the logo he decided to have for his new restaurant. “For some reason I had always imagined using a big yellow M, kind of like golden arches, for my McDonalds store.”
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General News
Man spends entire camping trip trying to get phone reception
Occasional outdoorsman Don Feist has spent an entire “get away from it all” weekend trip trying to regain contact with the outside world, friends report. Minutes after his arrival at a remote campsite, the thirtysomething IT manager began asking whether his companions didn’t have any reception either, and after a token effort to set up…
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General News
Criminal regrets “assisting police with their enquiries”
The criminal admits his undoing was his honesty
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Sport
Shock as plucky team of misfits thrashed in grand final
A combination of luck, team spirit, and a never-say die attitude proved little match to their highly trained opposition.
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General News
Rescuers still searching for man lost in IKEA
Police Rescue, the State Emergency Service and the Westpac rescue helicopter have responded to calls to help search for an unnamed 32-year-old man, who was last seen inspecting a Pax Uggdal wardrobe combination in Ikea. The rescuers have looked underneath all the display beds and on the highest shelves of the warehouse, and even drained…