“Why have no journalists called me?” asks guy whose phone has been off all week
Morrison’s empathy consultant applies for extended stress leave
Linda Reynolds offers sincere apology: “I am truly sorry everyone found out what I said”
Nation starting to suspect there might be a few reasons why Liberal Party so resistant to an ICAC
“Meghan too entitled to be a literal princess” claims journalist
Christian Porter sues Andrew Bolt for defamation after Bolt defends him
New CABINETSafe App to allow you to track whether you’ve been in contact with an alleged rapist
Guy who stepped down over a bottle of wine feeling pretty stupid right now
Life Hack: How to not rape someone in one really fucking easy step
Michaelia Cash announced as over-acting Attorney-General
Christian Porter says he is as trustworthy as a Christian Priest
Journalist does finishing touches to a Christian Porter story they prepared last night for no reason…
Liberal party press conference forced to relocate after realising they’re within 500 metres of a school
PM meekly asks colleagues if they can maybe ease up on all the raping for a bit
Name five Home and Away characters and we will guess if you’re white and have bad taste
Harry and Meghan announce completion of their one millionth interview about how they just want their privacy
Police call off investigation after burglar “categorically denies” robbing store
ABC renames ‘Insiders’ to ‘Sky News After Dawn’
‘We must act now’ Scott Morrison furious after hearing climate change could affect sport
NBN user only just learning that Facebook has banned news
Banned on Facebook, Laurie Oakes forced to drop explosive political update on OnlyFans
Mass media panic as two people ‘doing well’ after getting a bit too much vaccine
Duke of Edinburgh asked whether he wishes to make any final racist remarks
Govt up daily Newstart rate by 0.00001 times amount they paid News Corp for spelling bee website
News Ban Over: Daily Telegraph returns to rightful place as nation’s top comedy site
Facebook user waiting excitedly for next Daft Punk Album
“We don’t manipulate the news” say 8 Murdoch mastheads in unison
News Corp really hoping no satire site reposts Rudd’s senate speech in full
Morrison explains he was only vaccinated in case of emergency holiday to Hawaii
Media Diversity Inquiry asks a bunch of rich old white men whether they have a diversity issue
Vaccine queue jumper to be sent straight to Manus Island
White House declares Ted Cruz a national disaster
News free Facebook user blissfully unaware of unfolding alien invasion
‘I don’t have an issue with how I treat women’ claims PM who hurt an old lady during photo op
Cancel Culture strikes again as snowflakes ruin Ted Cruz’s holiday
“We’re giving The Chaser a new show” says ABC who can’t dispute this cause they’re blocked
Mediocre couple not cheating on each other despite best efforts
PM announces investigation will be an ‘arms-length’ away from being independent
Facebook bans newsfeed after realising it has the word ‘news’ in it
Kevin Rudd calls for new senate inquiry into The Chaser’s news monopoly
Ted Cruz starting to regret hiring ScoMo’s empathy consultant
Local FB user experiences first enjoyable day in years
“Facebook never warned this would happen” says Govt months after being warned this would happen
Govt wishing there was some other way to fund journalism with big companies money
Aussie media knows it’s fucked after Frydenberg says he’ll sort this out
Nation’s broadsheets announce new retail price of $50.99
A complete list of the Liberal Party’s corruption over the last 7 years
Facebook finally crack down on racism by banning all Aussie media
Channel 9 journo forced to hit streets to inform public about great savings at Harvey Norman
Daily Mail reader struggling to cope without crucial updates on Miley Cyrus’s bra size
Anti-Vax Facebook mum glad to see her ‘real news’ sources are still up
Harry and Meghan maintain complete privacy by agreeing to interview on Studio 10
Facebook restores Daily Telegraph page after realising they’re not real news
Report: Aw fuck
Jenny Morrison appointed the new Minister For Knowing Things You’d Think Would Be Obvious
Morrison denies Liberal party is sexist – “Just ask the Minister for Women”
Man who spent $200,000 on empathy consultant unable to work out rape is wrong
Jenny pretty sure she’ll be having a chat tonight about whether victim blaming is okay or not
‘Covering up the rape of a woman is bad because it could upset her dad’ says PM
Robodebt victim starting to wish they had just run a billion dollar money laundering scheme
