Labor responds to early bushfire season by guaranteeing South Coast AirBnBs will remain safe
Trump demands trial be moved to the ‘highest court of the land’, Judge Judy
British Museum completely empty after demand that all stolen items be returned
Dictator voluntarily cedes power
BREAKING – Australia’s ruler abdicates
Goldman Sachs appoints Josh Frydenberg as chairman, immediately loses $60 billion
$21.4 million: Alan Joyce paid $1 for every dissatisfied Qantas customer
Chaos in Parliament as Dutton produces lump of uranium as prop
‘Do your own research’ guy now posting “if you don’t know, vote no”
Woman kneecapped after attempting tampon-onion swap in Woolies self-checkout
Coles launches drone strike against shopper who didn’t pay for grape
Coalition staffer writes ‘fucking awesome’ policy slamming drug decriminalisation, celebrates with an extra bump
Guy who says unemployment should rise weirdly doesn’t want to lose his own job
Latest Herald Sun Poll shows 137% of people voting ‘No’
Government declares war on feral cats, ‘only our fossil fuel donors should be allowed to wipe out our wildlife’
“The real cause of antisemitism is Jewish people” claims Musk
New Season of Big Brother set entirely in local Woolworths
Coles announces new series ‘Feed your family for under $1,000’
Alan Joyce remains as CEO of Qantas after his resignation letter was lost by baggage handlers
Alan Joyce resigns to spend more time waiting for his flight
‘Blocking other airlines was in the national interest’ says PM from Qantas Chairman’s Lounge
Qantas loses ACCC report in baggage claim
Spanish Football President joins Liberal Party front bench
Albanese apologises for mining shirt: ‘I woke up on the wrong side of political spectrum’
‘If only my flight had been cancelled’, Wagner boss regrets not flying Jetstar
Retired Aussie couple voting ‘No’ on the voice: ‘We can’t stand that show!’
Referee awarded Player of the Match by Sweden
Yes23 reconsiders push for corporate support after Qantas loses all the Yes pamphlets in transit
Labor proudly announces 1.2 million new investment properties for landlords
Barnaby Joyce congratulates Matildas on stunning win last night against France
Support for a republic reaches all time high
Nation’s productivity reaches 0 which is hopefully also England’s score tonight
“You want funding for the sport?” PM clarifies that his support for the Matildas is only photo-op deep
Barnaby Joyce congratulates Cathy Freeman on incredible race
Dutton caught frantically googling ‘mens matildas team’
AUKUS subs scrapped in favour of Mackenzie Arnold defending nation’s borders
“Poorly written and filled with factual errors”, News Corp’s new ai written articles massively improving editorial standards
Kevin Rudd’s official portrait revealed
Scott Morrison accepts apology for Robodebt
Channel 7 executives scrambling to find out what “women” are, in wake of soccer ratings record
KPMG way worse than PwC according to damning report by PwC
Powerful Australian Senator bravely launches lawsuit against former junior employee
Minns cabinet now officially a NSW government following its first corruption scandal
Scott Morrison claims religious exemption from caring about Robodebt victims
Gold Logie winner Sonia Kruger stuns on red carpet
Barbie slammed for setting unrealistic standard of young girls being able to afford a house when they grow up
Announcing The War on 2023 Annual Comedy Gala
Man who bought ticket to Barbie angry about watching it
‘Stop calling it Twitter’ says guy who deadnames his own child
Musk furious to learn that clicking on X keeps closing pages
Newly unemployed Kathryn Campbell can’t believe how terrible Centrelink is
Commonwealth Games award Dan Andrews gold medal in gymnastics for stunning backflip
Dan Andrews eligible to join Victorian Liberal Party after making ‘staggeringly embarrassing’ decisions
Cancel culture strikes Commonwealth Games!
“Huw Edwards is a creep,” claims outlet that counted down to Emma Watson’s 16th
RBA shake-up: Will only have $25k lunches eight times per year
Ben Roberts-Smith launches appeal after realising court case will cost him an arm and leg
Royal Commission pleads for Jenny Morrison to have a chat with Scott about Robodebt
Massive dick reckons he can win penis measuring contest
Elon Musk achieves the impossible by making Zuckerberg the lesser evil
