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Labor responds to early bushfire season by guaranteeing South Coast AirBnBs will remain safe



Trump demands trial be moved to the ‘highest court of the land’, Judge Judy



British Museum completely empty after demand that all stolen items be returned



Dictator voluntarily cedes power



BREAKING – Australia’s ruler abdicates



Goldman Sachs appoints Josh Frydenberg as chairman, immediately loses $60 billion



$21.4 million: Alan Joyce paid $1 for every dissatisfied Qantas customer



Chaos in Parliament as Dutton produces lump of uranium as prop



‘Do your own research’ guy now posting “if you don’t know, vote no”



Woman kneecapped after attempting tampon-onion swap in Woolies self-checkout



Coles launches drone strike against shopper who didn’t pay for grape



Coalition staffer writes ‘fucking awesome’ policy slamming drug decriminalisation, celebrates with an extra bump



Guy who says unemployment should rise weirdly doesn’t want to lose his own job



Latest Herald Sun Poll shows 137% of people voting ‘No’ 



Government declares war on feral cats, ‘only our fossil fuel donors should be allowed to wipe out our wildlife’



“The real cause of antisemitism is Jewish people” claims Musk



New Season of Big Brother set entirely in local Woolworths



Coles announces new series ‘Feed your family for under $1,000’



Alan Joyce remains as CEO of Qantas after his resignation letter was lost by baggage handlers



Alan Joyce resigns to spend more time waiting for his flight



‘Blocking other airlines was in the national interest’ says PM from Qantas Chairman’s Lounge



Qantas loses ACCC report in baggage claim



Spanish Football President joins Liberal Party front bench



Albanese apologises for mining shirt: ‘I woke up on the wrong side of political spectrum’



‘If only my flight had been cancelled’, Wagner boss regrets not flying Jetstar



Retired Aussie couple voting ‘No’ on the voice: ‘We can’t stand that show!’



Referee awarded Player of the Match by Sweden



Yes23 reconsiders push for corporate support after Qantas loses all the Yes pamphlets in transit



Labor proudly announces 1.2 million new investment properties for landlords



Barnaby Joyce congratulates Matildas on stunning win last night against France



Support for a republic reaches all time high



Nation’s productivity reaches 0 which is hopefully also England’s score tonight



“You want funding for the sport?” PM clarifies that his support for the Matildas is only photo-op deep



Barnaby Joyce congratulates Cathy Freeman on incredible race



Dutton caught frantically googling ‘mens matildas team’



AUKUS subs scrapped in favour of Mackenzie Arnold defending nation’s borders



“Poorly written and filled with factual errors”, News Corp’s new ai written articles massively improving editorial standards



Kevin Rudd’s official portrait revealed



Scott Morrison accepts apology for Robodebt



Channel 7 executives scrambling to find out what “women” are, in wake of soccer ratings record



KPMG way worse than PwC according to damning report by PwC



Powerful Australian Senator bravely launches lawsuit against former junior employee



Minns cabinet now officially a NSW government following its first corruption scandal



Scott Morrison claims religious exemption from caring about Robodebt victims



Gold Logie winner Sonia Kruger stuns on red carpet



Barbie slammed for setting unrealistic standard of young girls being able to afford a house when they grow up



Announcing The War on 2023 Annual Comedy Gala



Man who bought ticket to Barbie angry about watching it



‘Stop calling it Twitter’ says guy who deadnames his own child



Musk furious to learn that clicking on X keeps closing pages



Newly unemployed Kathryn Campbell can’t believe how terrible Centrelink is



Commonwealth Games award Dan Andrews gold medal in gymnastics for stunning backflip



Dan Andrews eligible to join Victorian Liberal Party after making ‘staggeringly embarrassing’ decisions



Cancel culture strikes Commonwealth Games!



“Huw Edwards is a creep,” claims outlet that counted down to Emma Watson’s 16th



RBA shake-up: Will only have $25k lunches eight times per year



Ben Roberts-Smith launches appeal after realising court case will cost him an arm and leg



Royal Commission pleads for Jenny Morrison to have a chat with Scott about Robodebt



Massive dick reckons he can win penis measuring contest



Elon Musk achieves the impossible by making Zuckerberg the lesser evil