Sorry kids, Santa can’t afford the gifts you wanted this year

Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas everybody,

Santa here with an awkward message, after reading all your letters, and by that Santa means the elves did it for me as part of their thousand year long ‘work experience’ we need to have a talk.

Santa can do many things like slide down a chimney into your chimneyless apartment, fly on reindeer and avoid getting shot down by Border Force who want to lock me up on Christmas Island.

Which Santa was disappointed to learn is NOT a festive place of Christmas fun. Mary and Joseph were lucky they didn’t try coming to Australia to give birth to Jesus.

But, in the current economy Santa can’t afford all the toys you wanted. Our workshop has been having problems with strikes and there is no way Santa can afford to buy branded products this year.

This is especially true for doll houses, which in Sydney are bigger than some rentals and are going for a million dollars. The property investors have already negatively geared them all.

So lets think of something a bit more realistic, like maybe a stick? They are a lot of fun and they will be worth a lot when the forests are all gone.

And to the parents out there, it was nice to get a list from the year for once, even if it was just a normal grocery list.

Look, we all know that Santa is a billionaire but even I can’t afford to get you a ‘full grocery shop’ at an Aussie supermarket. Please be realistic, Santa’s magic but not that magic.

Wait, if your family is rich, please ignore this message. Santa was still able to buy all your presents. Santa, like the government, just likes rich people more than the peasants.

Which reminds me, tell your politicians that yes I can put coal in their stockings for Christmas like they wanted since I was planning to do that anyway. But no, I will not become a political donor.

Yours,

Santa Claus

(Please don’t kill me and steal my coat to become Santa yourself)

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