Election 2025: Good Riddance.

Dear readers,

Here at The Chaser we have been waiting for Senator James McGrath to call the election, but he says he is still holding out for pre-polls and we want to go out on the piss, so we are calling it today.

Yes Labor has won the election, or more accurately, the Liberal Party have done the impossible and shit their pants harder this election than they did under Scott Morrison.

Anthony Albanese ran a clean campaign, notably starting with falling off a stage then weirdly denying it, before going on to do nothing else notable. But in a battle of uninspired and boring vs “Hi, I am Peter Dutton, please vote for me”… well the results speak for themselves.

Peter Dutton lost the election in every way, finally getting to show his ‘softer side’ as the electorate mashed him up.

The Liberal Party’s strategists now begin the multi-million dollar process of figuring out where the flaw was in their plan that involved deeply unpopular policies, constant backflipping, a leader who was the human embodiment of ‘the ick’, claiming to be softies while agreeing with a Neo-Nazi and attack ads that suggested a Labor government would make the country feel like living in Sesame Street.

Researchers are excited to look into this, as it means they aren’t the ones tasked with finding ‘talent’ in the remaining Liberal Party members to take up leadership.

Angus Taylor has thrown his hat in the ring, promising more fantastic, great moves. Well done Angus.

Numerology enthusiast Sussan Ley has offered to add as many s’s to her name as possible until she wins, or is kicked out of the Qantas chairman’s lounge.

Tim Wilson has also put his hand up, citing qualifications as the party’s new most incompetent person following Dutton and Morrison’s departure. Due to being the worst choice, experts think he is in with a real chance.

Former Greens leader Adam Bandt also lost his seat, when voters became concerned about a man in his 50s taking up DJing to party with young people.

Greens HQ now wishes there was a historical precedent to suggest that a campaign built on having policies but instead of breaking them down focusing on celebrity endorsements while saying ‘Our leader is Brat’ was an election losing strategy.

Meanwhile multi-millionaire landlord Anthony Albanese has tried his best to hide that he is more excited to see Bandt and Chandler-Mather leave than he is about Dutton.

Bob Katter returned to parliament, leading to concern amongst the man-eating crocodile community.

One Nation have been forced to change their name to No Nation following the country’s rejection of them.

Trumpet of Patriots didn’t land a single seat, due to not sending enough text messages.

The Trumpet of Patriots ended up being to be the worst performing Clive Palmer party ever, proving to be the Titanic 2 owner’s biggest disaster.

This election saw so-called ‘influencers’ getting involved, seemingly to mainly discuss whether they deserve to be involved, with an occasional break to interview politicians.

Many in the ‘traditional media’ were outraged, saying that ‘influencers’ could hypothetically open the door to soft-ball interviews, something new and unique in the world of politics.

As shown by the journalistic masterclasses of Sky News, The Project, every breakfast tv show and the election tradition of 60 Minutes interviews with Karl Stefanovic. All clear contenders for this year’s Wakleys.

The media calmed down after a 6 week long tantrum about people with young audiences talking to politicians, after realising the content creators the politicians chose to speak to were as diverse as a free-to-air political panel show.

Many theories have been floated by the media as to what led to the massive Labor win and we think it was influencers who tipped the scale. Specifically the endorsements from the biggest Youtuber of 2012 Ray William Johnson, and star of a tv show we only watched because of lockdown Tiger King Joe Exotic.

Clearly they had a large impact. Why else would the two American men we forgot existed have received more political focus this election than local gendered violence or institutional violence against First Nations people?

There is one more group who isn’t getting recognition from the media regarding the result though…

While you don’t need to thank The Chaser for the result which saw zero One Nation seats, we can almost guarantee that our posts about Peter Dutton being a not very nice guy and Pauline Hanson being stinky would have influenced many voters.

We are far too humble to take credit for the result, obviously, I mean why would we. But if you were to thank us, you are welcome.

Yours,

John Delmenico

Editor of The Chaser

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