Election week 1: Tripping down memory lane

(Image source: AAP Image/Lukas Coch)

As the first week of the election comes to an end, there are simply far too many stories to keep track of. So here is our recap of the stories you may have missed.

Peter Dutton suggested cutting school funding in an attempt to stop ‘wokeness’, but was unable to define what ‘woke’ means. If only there were publicly funded places people could go to learn things like the definitions of words.

Anthony Albanese fell off a stage this week. Doctors initially feared for the PM but were relieved to discover that he avoided spinal injury by not having a spine.

Former MP Tim Wilson was mocked after a ‘tradie’ he did a photo-op with turned out to be a campaign staffer in a hi-vis vest. Wilson denied trying to trick voters before holding a press conference where he was endorsed by Spiderman and The Wizard of Oz.

‘Teal’ candidate Nicolette Boele was banned from a hair salon after making inappropriate sexual comments to a 19-year-old hairdresser, following the news she was immediately offered a spot in the LNP front bench.

Abbie Chatfield was investigated over false allegations of being secretly paid off by Labor and The Greens. The AEC took less than 24 hours to clear the podcast host’s name after realising there is no world where either party is organised enough to pull off a scam like that.

The Liberal Party in Kooyong have put up new corflutes asking people to stop stealing their corflutes, unveiling the holy grail of corflutes to steal.

Kooyong LNP are so scared of people stealing their advertising materials that they even hid their candidate from a local debate just to be safe.

Donald Trump imposed tariffs on an Aussie territory inhabited by penguins, in the worst thing to happen to penguins since Happy Feet 2.

Dutton slammed Albanese for not stopping the tariffs, before saying that he has a foolproof plan to deal with Trump that is as detailed as his nuclear plan.

Following the lead of the two countries that have stood up to Trump being the only countries not tariffed, PM Albanese announced a plan to not personalise the thank you note that goes along with Australia’s next AUKUS payment.

Ultimately in the battle between Albanese and Dutton, both major parties will likely try to recruit Steven Bradbury as a campaign manager.

John Delmenico

Editor of The Chaser

(PS, if you’re in Melbourne, I am performing on Wednesday night at the A Rational Fear: Election Special, tickets and info here)

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