evergreen

The ‘News of the World’ reporter’s attempts to breach Britain’s airport security proved a complete success.

A 25-year-old Melbourne student spent more than three hours last night painstakingly choosing which novels to leave beside his bed, by way of impressing his date. “It was a first date, and I had no idea what she was into,” the young man said. “I mean, do you play it safe and stick to the…

A grumpy Queanbeyan man has passed away while double-checking the inventory log on a warehouse computer system. The man “died doing what he hated most.”

According to an unnamed source, the corpse was dressed in a faded, bloodstained red-and-white jumper, wearing round-rimmed glasses, and buried with a cane.

The 30-year-old has experimented with unironed T-shirts and jeans on the weekend, even going so far as to tell a female acquaintance that prominent wrinkles were “all the rage in Milan”.

“Do we have to declare goat’s entrails?”

Blair’s bonus is valued at $1.4 million, or 25 per cent of his base pay. On top of this amount, Blair can also expect a 5 per cent Bonus Delivery Bonus.