World

[Edition 68] NEW YORK, Thursday: Danny Glover’s message to the New York anti-war rally today was simple: ‘No war’, and also ‘Give me a job’. “My much-beloved character in the Lethal Weapon series, Roger Murtaugh never made a preliminary strike against the unlawful,” Glover told the cheering crowd. “If only Bush and Blair were as…

BETHLEHEM, Monday: The second coming has ended prematurely after Jesus Christ become the latest casualty of fighting in the Middle East. Jesus was killed after he returned to his birthplace of Bethlehem during an onslaught by the Israeli army. It is believed he was preparing to hand out retribution to sinners and end the world.…

[Edition 55] LONDON, Sunday: The world has been numbed by grief and shock, after Her Royal Highness the Queen Mother unexpectedly died last night at the tender age of 101.

[Edition 54] HARARE, Monday: The newly re-elected Zimbabwean President, Robert Mugabe, has officially been crowned Miss Zimbabwe, describing his triumph as “a victory for black fashionablism”. But the victory comes amid concerns that the judging process may have been tainted.

[Edition 53] ROME, Thursday: Italian Prime Minister and media magnate Silvio Berlusconi said he was surprised at the support his government keeps receiving in the media. He said he was especially surprised that his own three commercial TV stations supported his controversial media ownership policies.

[Edition 46] WASHINGTON D.C., Wednesday: The Secretary of Defence, Mr Donald Rumsfeld has reassured the American people that at no time during the crisis will President George W. Bush be in control.

[Edition 45] WASHINGTON D.C., Friday: As President Bush nears the end of his month-long holiday at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, a recent poll shows an overwhelming majority in favour of him remaining there for the next three and a half years.

[Edition 43] ALICE SPRINGS, Tuesday: Two weeks after the shocking disappearance of British backpacker Peter Falconio, and with the assailant still at large, police have been disappointed by the lack of follow-up attacks against other British backpackers in the country.

[Edition 42] THE HAGUE, Monday: Disgraced former Serbian President Slobodan Milosevic has brushed off against charges for war crimes against humanity and mass genocide. “Look, I’m not to blame. I only issued the orders. You should talk to the people who carried them out.”