World

“Can’t you let us all die in peace”

“You know I love Turkey, especially with cranberry sauce.”

Are you angry at Greta Thunberg? Do you find yourself enraged that a 16 year old girl would have the temerity to ask adults to listen to the science? This guide is for you.

A worldwide study released today reported that a country where sunlight is seasonal and their greatest delicacy is rotten fish, is apparently the happiest in the world

“It makes no sense”

Mr Mueller said it was having a genuine impact on his enthusiasm for bringing down the President. “I took this case on because it was a simple open and shut case of treason. But there are just so many other, extra crimes, it’s becoming a real bore. 

Donald Trump has delivered a stirring oration to his nation, asking why anyone would even think of bombing his political opponents, whom he hates with a violent passion.

“In my job, the dangers we face are very real. But no death-dealing machine has terrified me as much as the threat we face from climate change”

“Donald Trump is a total hard-working genius, much better than Obama and even better than Lincoln. I would say he’s the best. Definitely better than Hillary, who was a total dud. I should have locked her up.”