National

[Edition 53] COOLUM, Saturday: Several Aboriginal dancers have expressed delight at being given the opportunity to dance at the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting opening ceremony. “Some people think British colonialism was all bad for Aboriginals,” said one of the Bingiri Dancers. “But without it we wouldn’t have got this free trip to Coolum”.

[Edition 50] DUBBO, Tuesday: Bill Christie, a volunteer member of the Rural Fire Service, yesterday said he resented having to give up his Christmas holidays fighting fires hundreds of kilometres from his own home. Christie described the Prime Minister’s endorsement of volunteer spirit as “total crap”.

[Edition 44] MELBOURNE, Tuesday: Online gambling has claimed its first victim after a child was left in a virtual carpark while her parents gambled. “I only clicked into www.gonegambling.com briefly,” her mother claimed. “The flashing lights and poor returns must have sucked me in.”

[Edition 38] CANBERRA, Monday: The National Gallery of Australia has purchased a rare back-issue centrefold from the US magazine Hustler, as part of its ongoing commitment to acquiring lesser-known pornography.

[Edition 33] MELBOURNE, Tuesday: The Fairfax Group has announced plans to hand out free novels on trains and trams, in a bid to claim a larger share of Melbourne’s competitive commuter market. The company hopes to capture a monopoly on pretentious commuters, who like to hold up impressive, highbrow books while travelling to work.

[Edition 25] CANBERRA, Wednesday: Prime Minister John Howard has launched a scathing attack on critics of his overseas trip celebrating the Centenary of the Federation of Australia. Releasing figures from Treasury Mr Howard has claimed that the trip was ‘pretty much revenue neutral’.