National

The Liberal party breathed a sigh of relief today, after former Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce spoke out on the growing divide between the two parties. Describing the increasingly divided coalition between the Liberals and Nationals as “not a marriage”, Barnaby gave the clearest indication yet that the National’s aren’t planning to cheat on the Liberals…

Bill Shorten wants to increase the wages of child care workers. But where will it stop? Next thing, he’ll be trying to increase your wages. Don’t risk it!

“That’ll show Labor that batteries in cars are a stupid idea,” a smirking Morrison told reporters.

He said kids should instead be in school, learning important skills, such as maths. “I use maths every day to count up the amount of donations I get from the coal lobby.”

FOLLOWING his calls for DNA testing for Indigenous welfare recipients, One Nation’s Mark Latham will today undergo his own DNA test as the CSIRO attempts to isolate the dickhead gene. “We’ve been having problems around the nation lately, with a lot of dickheads pretending to be State and Federal politicians with a worthy contribution to…

“We should probably say sorry and then do nothing else.”

The Prime Minister said the crew of recent NIDA graduates dressed in 18th century garb, would be detained on Nauru indefinitely. 

“It’s probably the safest time to be on the road”