Scott Morrison has today firmly responded to the bushfires raging across Australia’s east cost by pledging the largest sum of money in Australian history to combat the growing catastrophe.
“Today I am pleased to take real action on the fires,” Morrison proclaimed, “and that’s why it’s my honour to present this $1 billion novelty cheque to Hillsong church to help them source thoughts and prayers to send directly to the men and women on the front lines.”
The government has also announced new plans to tackle climate change to prevent future out of control fire seasons, announcing legislation this afternoon which will help cut Australia’s CO2 emissions in half by outlawing gay marriage across the country.
“We’ve done a lot of research on this topic and the answer is clear,” announced Morrison, “ever since we legalised gay marriage global temperatures have increased dramatically. And it would be foolish of us to ignore the advice of experts like Dr Israel Folau on how to quickly and effectively address the issue.”
The Chaser Quarterly