General News

The world’s economic powerhouses have agreed to relinquish the third world’s multi-trillion dollar debt, describing it as a “small price to pay” to ensure that the Live 8 concert series never happens.

“Many working families today are having trouble surviving on only one bloated income, worrying about putting their kids through elite private schools while at the same time asking themselves whether they can afford that fourth investment property.” Howard said. “Now they can.”

If this year’s Mercedes Australian Fashion Week is any guide, wafer-thin adolescents with see-through tops, tiny diaphanous panties and protuberant nipples are among the items we can expect to see on the streets this season.

“His executor’s still on hold to get the phone cancelled, she’s going to have a heart attack when she sees the bill.”

[Edition 89] According to Moir, it was the idea of Latham’s belly being a hill that probably confused things. “It was an idea I cooked up when Beazley was still leader, and it didn’t translate as well as I’d expected. I probably should have scrapped Latham and just drawn a hill marked ‘credibility’.”

[Edition 85] A heartbroken Miss World, Rosanna Lee Davison has apologised to her supporters and the judges who elected her for her inability to create world peace, despite her best efforts. As part of her commitment to world peace, Davison has undertaken a punishing schedule of modeling, attending parties and fulfilling cosmetics endorsement obligations, but…

[Edition 83] People who smoke up to 60 cigarettes a day can protect themselves from cancer by insisting they are only ‘social smokers’, a health study has found. “If you never buy cigarettes yourself, and only bum them off friends, you are 62 per cent less likely to suffer lung cancer and 45 per cent…

[Edition 83] New data from NASA’s Mars Rover Spirit has found no signs that the red planet has an extortionately priced retail market for bottled water and flavoured water variants. “This is the best evidence yet that life on Mars has considerably superior intelligence to humankind”, said NASA Director Stephen Peters.