General News

Teachers have ‘abolished cursive writing’, which is a crucial skill for reading love letters from groomers

How can he afford to run his water feature with ‘recycled peasant tears’ now?

How am I supposed to race my yachts now?

“THEY DON’T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE AND DESTROY THE CULTURE WE HOLD DEAR”

It was such an honour just to not be nominated.

We have decided to launch an attack ad against Australia’s other major news organisation

“Hey remember we don’t want snitches in this chat.”

It’s important to spend time with loved ones

To celebrate on a factually inaccurate day would be ridiculous.

“I don’t know how I will get in the holiday spirit without hearing what he thinks isn’t racist.”