2007
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General News
Report card accurately predicts child’s future
Westwood, who found his old report in a plastic crate while looking for a bottle of bourbon he had hidden from his wife, described the commentary as “eerily prescient”.
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General News
Mentally ill Carpet Court employee taken off pricing duties
“We all assumed he was supposed to be there, since he was in costume,” said director Brad Pearen. “No-one realised Craig was in serious need of professional help.”
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General News
Creative anachronist would last five seconds in Middle Ages
History enthusiast Brendan “Sir Lysander” Hanrahan, would likely be dead within moments of arriving in the middle ages, say experts.
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Sport Archive
Andrew Johns soils Rugby League’s untarnished image
Rugby League fans were shocked this week, by the unbelievable revelation that an overpaid, understimulated sportsman with plenty of free time had experimented with drugs. "I can’t believe it," said Newcastle Knights fan Bill Adams. "Who would’ve thought a footballer would be anything but a moral paragon?"
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General News Archive
Trivia buff humiliated on popular quiz show
“I don’t know what happened,” said Sugden, “”My team, The Dukes Of Ale, always take home the $50 drink voucher at Trivia Madness down at the Oxford on Fridays.”
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General News
Peter Andre happy to have songs illegally downloaded
“Someone on youtube said the Mysterious Girl filmclip is ‘still da best!!!’. You can’t buy that kind of publicity”
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Entertainment Archive
Harry Potter ends: children stop reading
“I’ll be saying ‘avada kedavra’ to my interest in books”
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General News
Lost mountain-climber already envisioning book deal
“I might even get to meet the guys from 60 minutes!”
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Sport Archive
Iraq win Asian Cup: celebratory gunfire to continue indefinitely
“No team has more experience with shootouts”