evergreen

It’s a visit to the gym in every glass.

Despite the clear presence of a sign informing customers it is “not a lending library”, an Erskineville newsagency was forced to remove a no-good freeloader last Tuesday afternoon, shining a light on a problem that newsagents are describing as a hidden epidemic.

“I suppose I’ll just have to be even more anarchic and confronting from now on.”

“We all assumed he was supposed to be there, since he was in costume,” said director Brad Pearen. “No-one realised Craig was in serious need of professional help.”

History enthusiast Brendan “Sir Lysander” Hanrahan, would likely be dead within moments of arriving in the middle ages, say experts.

“I might even get to meet the guys from 60 minutes!”

A concert-goer has tried and failed to single-handedly rouse his fellow audience members to a standing ovation.

“This issue has proven more difficult to enforce than we anticipated”

There was a brief moment of panic a few songs later, when Watts accidentally played ‘It’s Raining Men’ instead of ‘Loveshack’.