‘Blocking other airlines was in the national interest’ says PM from Qantas Chairman’s Lounge

Prime Minister and self-declared ‘tory fighter’ Anthony Albanese has defended his government’s decision to block international airlines from increasing their amount of flights in Australia after lobbying from Qantas, explaining that he acted completely in the national interest while talking to journalists in the Qantas Chairman’s Lounge.

“Why would anyone even think to suggest otherwise?” asked the PM after tapping champaign glasses with Alan Joyce, “What other motive could I possibly have to protect Australia’s favourite free caviar provider… I mean airline.”

“This was about protecting everyday aussies from the serious threat that other airlines could bring to this nation like affordable flights that leave on time and actual remember to take your luggage. A frightening thought.”

“This decision was completely above board room, and the suggestion that there should be an inquiry into it or that I should have to answer questions about it is just so silly. That I think we shouldn’t waste any time on it, otherwise this lobster would get cold.”

“I mean to even imply wrongdoing would be to tarnish the good name of Qantas, who are just a struggling Aussie business that barely made billions in profit while they clung onto life thanks to JobKeeper.”

“Now if you excuse me, I need to go help my son who has a job interview here.”

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