PM gives $925m to frontline services failed Morrison era program

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has finally responded to demands from experts to give one billion dollars to frontline services that support domestic violence victims, by instead choosing to give less than that to a failed Morrison government program.

The PM, who constantly finds spare billions to give to defence on top of the hundreds of billions he gave to AUKUS, graciously managed to find some money to respond to domestic violence by potentially providing up to five grand to those in need through a bureaucratic program that turns away half the victims who try use it.

“People demanded a we tackle the issue of violence against women differently to how we have,” said the PM, “and so we delivered by doing more of the same but with a but more money. You’re welcome.”

“Sure it may not be what experts wanted, but this idea does make for better headlines for me. Meaning their ideas just aren’t tenable at this time.”

Opposition leader Peter Dutton responded to the announcement by instead calling for $900m worth of thoughts and prayers.